The Difference Between Passion and Obsession

I had the distinct honor of sharing one of my passions with a friend this weekend. He’s been trying to learn how to rock climb and had been learning indoors. I took him outside for his first time on actual rock. I got a ton of joy out of sharing this passion of mine with someone new. It prompted me to ask: What are you passionate about? 

He hesitated, and said he wasn’t sure he was passionate about anything. His reasoning being that he tries not to get obsessive over anything. I scratched my head, as this prompted a bigger question: What is the difference between passion and obsession?

We discussed it for a while with him advocating at first that they were the same. I advocated that there was a fine line between them, but that passion and obsession are very different. 

First, let’s define the two on a basic dictionary level.

Passion: “a strong and barely controllable emotion.”

Obsession: “an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a persons mind.” 

Immediately, we see the difference being control. Passion is barely controllable, and obsession is uncontrollable. It is a fine line indeed, but there’s more to it on a psychological level. Social psychologist Robert Vallerand defined two different kinds of passion, one of which is the basis for obsession. Harmonious passion is the good kind and obsessive passion is the bad. 

Harmonious passion means that you partake in activities that you enjoy, that you find important, and that you spend considerable amounts of time on. The most important aspect of this kind of passion is that you are doing it out of your free will. You can start and stop whenever you want, or whenever it makes sense, and it does not look like an addiction. 

For example, a passion for rock climbing may entail spending a few nights a week at the climbing gym, desiring to climb outside on the weekends, spending considerable amounts of money on gear, and looking forward to doing it. Sometimes you won’t go climbing because it’s raining, or you’re too tired, or need to spend extra time with family. This makes sense. Your decision making is in your control and does not take an impact on your positivity or well-being. One of the biggest differences between harmonious and obsessive passion is that the healthy passion means to enjoy an activity for itself. Not for secondary gains. Personally I find this to be true in my own climbing experience. Once I left a long-term relationship I was elated to discover I loved to rock climb for myself, not anyone else. 

Obsessive passion would look more like getting upset that you had to break your climbing routine, that it rained out your plans. You’d look for someone to cover a shift at work so you could make up your climbing day, you’d miss your sisters wedding dress fitting because you hadn’t climbed that week, you’d be in a bad mood because you couldn’t climb, you'd hurt yourself to an unnecessary extent…and so on. When your passion is obsessive, you no longer have control over it. You can’t start and stop as you wish. You become addicted to the excitement you get from it. You start prioritizing your passion over other commitments. You can’t stop thinking about it, and it takes a negative toll on you. Obsessive passion creates a hard to resist urge. The urge won’t stop until you give in. 

This psychological research made me reflect on my own passions and I must admit… I have let climbing become an obsession at times. I would get frustrated to break my gym routine during the period I had to move out of two different houses in the span of two months. It took a toll on my climbing performance and instead of getting frustrated, I could have approached it from a healthier standpoint had I not been obsessed, but harmoniously passionate about climbing. 

What it all boils down to is control. When you cross the line from passion into obsession, you loose control and the lack of the subject robs you of joy. While having passions can be very fulfilling, give meaning to your life, and be a source of joy, it’s good to be mindful of not letting them turn into an obsession.

What Do We Leave Behind?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what we leave behind. 

Thankfully as of this point in my life, I’ve been lucky enough not to have to deal with death very often. Only in the past year have I begun to process the feelings that come with knowing people of impact have passed away.

A few weeks ago, someone my age named Savannah Buik died in a rock climbing accident. I only knew her briefly, but we had climbed together at ICF and she made an impact on me. I remember her contagious laugh and big smile, yet nonchalant attitude about accomplishing what I would consider a badass lead climb with ease. I was inspired by her. 

I'm sad to hear of Savannah’s passing. She had taken a fall while trad climbing and her last two pieces of protective gear went flying with her.

Something they say in the climbing community is "if you're not flying you're not trying." One thing I know for sure, is that she was so strong. You have to be strong to mentally accept the risks that could lead to a potential fall. She accepted that risk, because she knew how good it felt to overcome a personal challenge, and she was strong enough to do it again. 

Photo of badass women climbers at International Climbers Festival 2017 by Alex Aresti

The sad but true reality is that climbing accidents happen all the time. I remember when I first started climbing and went on a road trip to visit Zion National Park. As we hiked up Angles landing looking over the vast landscape, my friend told me about an accquaintence who was an accomplished rock climber that died in Zion after rappelling off the end of his rope. 

Its scary, but comforting to know you have the most control over your experience. You choose to double check tying that knot, or to get complacent. You choose partners you trust. Most importantly, you choose the risks you accept.

Through rock climbing, I’ve grown so much in all aspects of my life. I’ve become addicted to the sport largely due to the mental aspect of how elated I feel after accepting a risk and succeeding on something I once deemed impossible for myself. When accidents like this happen, it’s a cold wake up call to remember how fragile we are when we feel on top of the world.

I’ve been thinking about what we leave behind because I’ve just been wanting to grasp onto something of Savannah to remember her. I looked at her Instagram and watched a video of her singing. It made me happy and sad all at the same time. It made me want to be more intentional about what I am leaving behind. From social media, to the things I own, and the way I might impact people… 

It's still so hard to believe this person my age, doing something I love, is no longer with us... but it's humbling and a wake up call never to forget how serious this fun sport is. Be thankful for the opportunity to live life to the fullest, and do it without forgetting how fragile we are.

You can read Savannah's blog here, or the write up about her and opportunity to donate to the AAC in her honor by Chelsea Rude here. 

When Nothing Goes As Planned

I’m a planner. I love to make spreadsheets and calulate hours/miles and the phases of the moon on road trips. I also love when things don’t go as planned, as most great adventures seem to go. That’s exactly how it went on my most recent trip to Red Rock Canyon, Nevada. 

We intended to go climb in El Potrero Chico, Mexico. Then we intended to climb in Joshua Tree National Park. On the way to Joshua Tree, we stopped on the border of Arizona and Nevada to camp and explore these magical slot canyon hot springs.

My climbing partner is rather “climbing obsessive” so he wasn’t stoked on the idea of spending a few hours at the hot springs I wanted to explore instead of heading straight to Joshua Tree. Well, my car decided not to start that morning and the kind gentleman camping nearby, Taylor, helped us jumpstart it. Oddly enough, Taylor was heading to the hot springs that day too. He was a previous zoo-keeper, then raft and mountain guide, now pilot in training, and too cool not to hang out with, so off to the hot springs we went like three peas in a pod.

We had both heard great things about Red Rock Canyon and it was only a half hour away from the hot springs, so we decided to get a half day of climbing in there before continuing on our journey to Joshau tree. Taylor highly reccomended it as well.  

It was history after we stepped foot into that park. The first people we met were a pair of Canadian #adventuretwins who helped us figure out where the crag we wanted was. Little did we know we’d be spending the rest of our days climbing with them. Great people are worth changing your plans for. 

We decided to camp outside of Red Rock Canyon that night, but to our surprise the one campground nearby was booked and nearly impossible to get a spot at. Our options were limited, it was dark, and we were tired. I thought, we don’t have anything to loose by walking up to a campfire and asking if we could share our boxed wine and space with them.

We picked the first campfire we saw, and it couldn’t have been a better one. At this campfire sat an adventurous couple in their late 30’s/early 40’s from Missoula who run the mountaineering club and have a plethora of climbing/travel/mountain experience. They had young guests from Florida who decided to drive across the country to climb, and most interestingly of all, Kentucky Pete. “I’m Kentucky Pete, climbing bum, campfire whore.” I could go on a separate tangent about all the glory that is Kentucky Pete, but I’ll save that. We joined this crew and every night after climbing turned to each other and said, “we should just stay one more night.” Eventually, we gave up the idea of Joshua Tree all together.

We all sat around this campfire the first night and shared stories, life lessons, and wine. The next night it was just us and the Missoula couple. Eventually, we took over the campsite and were the new campfire hosts. The Canadians joined us for two nights. On the last night, New Years Eve, a figure named Josh appeared from the darkness and asked if he could join us. Josh is 27 and has been doing the van life for a while, traveling and climbing. He brought gifts of whiskey and adventure tales. 

Kentucky Pete also graced us with his presence on our last night around the campfire. He said he remembered me and the life lesson story I shared and has been sharing it at other campfires. It’s a compliment to be remembered. It’s also a compliment to be interrupted when they say “wait, now that sounds like the first line in a book I want to read.” Kentucky Pete. What a character. 

Ever since the beginning of civilizations, people would gather around the source of heat and light to have community with one another. It used to be that people would alll gather around the fire, now they gather around a different source of light, the TV. 

It was beautiful to reflect on the way this same campfire evolved each night. From being guests ourselves, to becoming the hosts, to welcoming another guest who did the same thing we did. The constant was the sense of community and vulnerability among climbers who haven’t showered in days, shared puffy jacket hugs, stories, whiskey and wine. I will remain friends with these adventurous souls who we were lucky to happen upon. 

Nothing went as planned, but all went as it was meant to be.